June 28, 2013
fetishfurniturefactory:

Transitional Issues: Dominant male becomes a cuckold. {E-mails between a reader and myself, reposted with his permission.}
Vanessa,
I’m a long time fan of your blogs and you’ve done an excellent job in showing professionalism in detailing a fetish that is most often depicting and expressed by horny keyboard wankers, eager to write their fantasies aloud in a bid to close the gap on their lives and reality.Anyway..Me and my gf have been together for a little over a year. We are close and communicate very well.
About 4 months ago I confessed via text how if we were to pursue alternate sexual lifestyles, I would like to see her having sex with other men.
Naturally she freaked out at the thought of her not being enough for me.
But eventually I calmed her down, expressing my love and commitment to her. I explained the appeal was in seeing her let go and enjoy herself, freeing herself from the shackles of monogamy.
Further still, I enforced that this was to forever remain a fantasy and not reality.
When we were in bed the next night, under cover of darkness I brought up the topic yet again. This time I explained the appeal more in depth.
As a Dom, I have begun to toy with the idea of taking a submissive role. So I explained again about her adulterous ways revolving around my submission and devotion to her all the while of course, she is encouraged to act out promiscuous fantasies with other men.
Her attitude had changed to being understanding quite quickly and soon after subtly leading her into a vocal fantasy involving her inviting another man into our bed while I watch on, her vagina was soaked.
She was wetter and slacker than I’ve ever experienced. She moaned and groaned  with excitement every time I directed her through this fantasy of choosing an alpha stranger over her beta partner.
Needless to say, the sex was fantastic. And on the occasions where I whip out the cuckold fantasy, she turns to mush within moments.
But after these fantasy cuckold sessions she makes the point that we should only do it on occasion. Which is fine apart from the sense of fear in her tone when she says it.
It didn’t take long to realize that actually I think she might be open to a cuckold lifestyle or even just to test the waters, although saving face under the guise that she wants no one else but me.
She’s scared how much she gets off on it and to an extent so am I. But I feel I’mMore ready for it now than maybe 6 months ago.
The Dom in me has practically disappeared and the lengths I’m willing to go to in order to satisfy her and fulfill her sexual appetite through the medium of my chastity and her many other lovers has become etched into my mind so much so that I want this to become more than reality.
Where do I go from this point?? I’m teetering on the edge of a whole new exciting life with my love yet I don’t know how to make it happen.
                                                                Yours sincerely,                                                                  Dom-2-cuck
(I changed his “name” for his privacy. Vanessa)
D-2-C,
Be careful of what you wish for. Fantasy is great, reality may be a whole other situation.
Look at it like this….your relationship dynamic initiated (I presume) on your being Dominant and her submissive. Her mentioning that she prefers to only engage in this fantasy on occasion implies…perhaps….a fear that you will gravitate more towards the submissive side and she would be short changed by no longer having her Dominant mate. She would lose that which may be a concern to her, stated or even thought of…or not thus far.
Also, the flip side, what if she ends up enjoying more and more and no longer wants to be submissive to you? What if she enjoys it to the point that she wants more and more, to the point where you feel threatened or left out? Many things to consider before jumping between the sheets…..well at least she would be. :)
                                                                                      Vanessa
Vanessa,
Thank you for your response.I understand your point.
I would say this fear stems from the fact that the orgasms are so intense when the lights are off and ‘I’m not the one fucking her’. There is a definitive difference in her orgasms and as you very well know, the mouth can lie but the vagina cannot.
And then there’s the fact that she takes control of the fantasy once it’s initiated, which is the closest I’ve felt to cuckold angst. Her kisses quickly become deeper, more lustful. She vocalizes that I’m well away from her and her lover, ‘watching HELPLESSLY’ with my cock in my hand.She grabs my hips closer and gyrates more vigorously.
And then there’s the orgasm. In comparison to times when we don’t role play the fantasy, her orgasm is premature for starters. It seems to last much much longer. She is far louder and expressive. She’s usually in an exhausted heap afterwards and has even begun to cry upon climax as of late.
Then there are other aspects where she has insinuated a dominating role. Around the house she often comes behind me, grabs my hips and thrusts as If taking me with a penis of her own.
All this amounts to me thinking she may very well be opening up to making me a cuckold. The benefits for her are obvious to you and I.
The flip side you mentioned is exactly what I want. Admittedly it’s a huge transition for me to go from Dom to submissive cuckold, but I think that’s the excitement.
Heightening the appeal further is a problem though. I’m quite well endowed and good in bed. I don’t lack stamina or vigor and our sex life is good. I just want it to be better…for her.
I want her to shed her ever diminishing submissive tendencies and adopt this dominant role in our relationship.I want her to embrace her freedom at my expense.I want her to want more and more and delegate me to a life of chastity.I want to prep her for other men.I want to feel left out as she pursues more alpha males.
                                                                        Yours sincerely,                                                                                D-2-c
D-2-c,
 Contrary to popular Internet cuckold website myth…not all cuckoldry is about penis size. For me, its as much about my husband ejaculating within moments of entering me, plus variety….which applies to many other women as well.
 Still, the physical aspects are well known, thought of, fantasied about. The real life emotional ones are often not considered. Patience and caution are advised. I only say this as I’ve known a few couples (real life, not online) for which it did not end well. 
 As long as all details are discussed and there is no pressure, it can go well for you two. :)
P.S. Do you mind if I use this thread for a blog post? Your name can be removed for privacy if you like.                                                                                                                               Vanessa
Vanessa,
Although as you say penis size is not important, I do think a mutual understanding of the cucks sexual inadequacy is important.
Not so much to qualify for the fantasy as there are many other aspects that are equal or more so important but for the female to furthermore ascertain her dominance and control of what is overall HER situation.
I think self confidence is the cuckolds gravity that brings him back down to earth once his ejaculate is spent over his own knuckles watching his female partner fornicate with another man.
He literally ‘cums’ down from that high back to the understanding that its HIS property that’s getting manhandled and taken to knew heights by someone who has no intention of dealing with all the emotional, financial and general investments of the relationship.
And I believe this is the point where needs to be understood further in order to whittle out the cucks from the wannabe’s so to speak.
Take away that confidence with a subtle breakdown of the males self esteem and confidence in a loving but solid ‘matter of fact’ tone over time. After he’s unwound psychologically then he’s much more likely to accept what’s happening in front of his post orgasmic glazed eyes as his wife is only a third of a way into her promiscuous frenzy herself.
He may not like what he sees from a moral standpoint but you can bet your bottom dollar after the angst has settled, the next worry for him is why his penis is once again getting hard as the female and her bull continue regardless.
Even if her confidence attacks aren’t entirely true, penis size is not something that can be altered. That’s the beginning if his inadequacy right there. We all know women rate out cocks on size. And the inability to do anything about penis size contributes furthermore to inadequacy worries.
Even if a woman has to lie about her partners ‘shortcomings’ to bring him down a page or two, then surely she’ll be far more in control of any wandering ego that’s possibly due to serve as a form of emotional defence against embracing life as a cuckold.
Personally, being a cuckold to me is even more so about the emotional ties my gf would inevitably form with her lovers.
Our relationship is way more solid and open than most and I’m more than confident that she knows that I bring enough to the table that leaving me for a bull would never happen.
Physically I want her pleasure more than anything else, and as was the case when we first got together, I know how strong a bond great sex usually is.
But I’d be a fool to think another man is going to screw her brains out and she’ll let him escape her mind. Good sex is never just physical.
Thing is, and this is what makes me think that I’ve recently ‘metamorphosed’ into a cuckold in reality not just fantasy, I want her to develop emotional bonds with alpha lovers outside our relationship.
Like I said, I genuinely don’t think she’s the type to leave such a good relationship with a partner that supports her promiscuous ways with other men.
I know there are plenty of horror stories out there but I think that’s down to the relationship being on poor foundations and the fact that the couple have never approached the subject when ‘erotically sober’.
It’s a big deal, more so than most realize. But I can see cuckolding lifestyles slowly becoming more mainstream over time.
Discussions aside, I’m still at a loss as to how I nudge that transition from fantasy to reality :/
I have no problem with you using this on your blog, I’d be honored if anything! I’m sure there are many men and women who can relate to my situation and perhaps it may make others understand that it’s not a black and white decision to get involved in cuckoldry.
And yes, hiding my name or calling me by something without the word ******* in it would be great.
Of all the blogs and websites out there you have by far secured your place as ‘most genuine queen of cuckolding’.Cuckolding is centered around the woman, and so she is the best person to dispense any advice on the topic.
P.s. the spinach post did tickle me!
When I typed»> It’s a big deal, more so than most realize. But I can see cuckolding lifestyles slowly becoming more mainstream over time.
I meant to add»> Much to the detriment of many good relationships that are under the false pretenses that they have all bases covered.There will be more fallout than success to this surge in popularity simply down to a lack of honesty, understanding and and a complete underestimation how complex cuckold relationships really are.
It will work out for many, but not for most.                                                                                                                D-2-c
D-2-c,
Bitch slap forthcoming for you my friend for the following:
"He literally ‘cums’ down from that high back to the understanding that its HIS property that’s getting manhandled…………"
"His" property?
Chattel?
Possession’s?
We are property to you?
I see a bit of the lingering attitude and sense of entitlement from being a Dom there, lol. :)
For me, that would be a bit of a problem. I am my own property. Outside of that I get your point. 
At the same time I disagree with the notion that sex equals emotion. Sure, we have that pounded into our heads by family, church, state and society, but I’ve never felt that it has to be true. Copulating, screwing, banging, whatever… is a physical act that can last literally a few seconds (for some guys, hence the reason I cuckold my husband….well one reason anyway, lol). 
If a guy barely recalls a hooker he banged while in the military being stationed overseas 30 years ago on some drunken night, why would anyone assume that we would be different? Again, I know everyone has been told that men are men and we think/act different. But consider a woman that belongs to a huge swinging lifestyle…..do you think she recalls details of her 32nd swing partner any more than her 93rd or 187th? Doubtful really right?
People can have sex with emotion and/or love or just have sex for sex. For myself, it’s just sex when I am with a “lover” meaning a Bull. I absolutely totally refuse to allow anything else into it. In reality, its not even something than could happen as (considering my very lengthy and detailed vetting process) I don’t know anything about them. First names only, and (I assume) that is not even real. They are in and out (figuratively and literally) of my car/house/whatever and pussy within a few moments….and that’s not only how I want it but insist on it. So, with no real conversation, the lights are low, wham, bam, Thank you Ma’am (again literally) there will never be an opportunity for any emotional attachment to develop.
Having said that, you mentioned a desire for her to develop emotional bonds with her lovers. Its your life, and hers, but I would say….no….I would scream….. Playing With Fire on that one. But, that is entirely between the two of you and whomever she is having sex with. On that I really can’t add much thought/advice/opinion as its something so foreign to me, something I have no experience with, and have never considered that its beyond my realm of knowledge. With virtually everything else you expressed, I largely agree or at least try to understand coming from your male perspective. As you may know, my own life and how I came into this lifestyle is vastly different than what you are desiring so…that too is new to me.
I am posting this on blogs, a few forums etc as we mentioned. Do write back and let me know how things progress, or don’t, or anything else you like. I enjoy your intelligence and writing, a rarity with most messages I get are online cam/chat offers. :)
                                                            VanessaVanessa,
Ok so the original message was wrote on a tablet which would explain the note like formatting. Looked dreadful so I’ll condense it down a little… Well, yes. In our eyes at least. ‘Our’ being men as a whole. Ill acknowledge the bitch slap as the wording may have been a little loose. I’ve never referred to a woman as ‘my property’ in any sense personally but generally a partner is only a posession if you are a possessive character.In the bedroom as a dominant partner I have simulated this ‘ownership’ as the building blocks of where she lies in her mind as I’m manhandling her. Lots of women love to be ‘owned’ even if only in the bedroom.
And you’re probably right, there is a little bit of my Dom attitude poking through the surface still.
It’s an important part of the curriculum of being a man. We are very much raised to believe that women are our property. It’s a primitive notion that we’ll never be able to shake.Men have fought and killed for ‘their’ women all throughout history. Which, come to think about it further instills the notion that even the most alpha of males is reduced to a submissive when he acts on accordance with his primitive desire to protect and care for his woman.And am I correct when I say this possessive attitude contributes to you and your husbands cuckold lifestyle? After all, his kicks derive from the fact that his wife is fornicating with another man. His brain is hard wired to not tolerate that without question *que jealous lover fist fight*.
But some men are smarter than most. He could either put himself through physical trauma by reacting with violence, which in such a situation solves nothing as this may very well further her desires to sleep with her lover.Or he could bypass that entire situation and accept that fact that his wife is not HIS property and that her relationship dynamic requires the freedom to enjoy many partners while still retaining that doting life companion. Rolling without the punches could be one way of looking at it.
Now I understand many men will assume its much more simple than that and a cheating wife can be dealt with by going caveman on her lover. But there are some of us who understand that society’s paths are often boring, linear and frankly full of potholes and obstacles. In which case we might just as well take our own road and break free from traditions. To the extent of encouraging/letting/accepting our partners desires to seek other men for her sexual satisfaction.  In short, society says no, while we scream ‘fuck yeah!’.
I don’t know the actual chemistry that takes place in the brain but there’s turmoil for the cuck when he chooses to indulge in his guilty pleasure rather than ‘being a man’. The infamous Cuckold angst is harder to understand than it is to avoid altogether.
We’ve never included another person in our sex life but even acting out the fantasy is intense and so unpredictable. When we pull out our psychological sex toy from the chest, you would be surprised that she ever had any reservations about being fucked by a man other than her devoted partner.She’s lost in the moment completely. Her pussy is sodden and the sheets always need changing afterwards due to her excess fluids. It’s the only time that there’s a damp patch spanning at least 10cm in diameter.She moans in response to my vocal narrative as I guide her through the fantasy, suggestible to pretty much everything I say. When I tell her that she looks over to the left to witness her boyfriend watching avidly, penis in hand, entranced and semi catatonic at the guilty pleasure of a spectacle in front of him, she looks left and moans.Her eyes are closed but the neck movement is enough to simulate the vision in her mind. She sees me, away from her across the room. I can only imagine this to be a glorious headfuck for her as my words continue to liberate her parallel with her lovers rhythmic thrusting.
The reality of course is that I’m physically fucking her. My penis is massaging her pussy and vice versa. But witnessing her lose herself so deeply to a few words and some broken inhibitions is thrill within itself. My penis is penetrating her repeatedly yet she appears to gain far more satisfaction under the illusion that my penis is well out of reach.Her point of arousal is when she fantasises about me sat away from them stroking my shaft as this faceless stranger pounds pleasure into her vagina.My penis is technically that of the alpha man in her mind and I’d have to admit its a little unnerving seeing her react more enthusiastically when I repeatedly make reference to her lovers cock.
This was my first experience of cuckold angst. It’s uncomfortable realising that it doesn’t take very long at all to become usurped to an alpha male. And if it were that simple to arouse her, how can I be sure I even qualify as even a beta male? I guided her into a sexual situation with a stranger and she literally lapped it up with a thirst for more.That’s when the sense of sexual inadequacy kicks in. If it weren’t for the fact that I am usually teetering on the edge of a mind bending taboo orgasm when she’s acting out this fantasy, I would probably freak out.
But I ride it out so to speak, which is where my orgasms start to bind themselves to the idea of other men fucking my gf. And in honesty, that link between intense orgasms and being the observer to my partners orgasms induced by other men gets stronger every time.There’s also a noticeable sense of irony that whenever we play out the cuckold fantasy I seem to be developing premature ejaculation bi-proxy. I mentioned that she ends up wetter than when we don’t role play. And In conjunction with the fantasy, I very much end up ejaculating moments within entering her pussy.
My body is simulating the bull, while my mind is reaching the point of orgasm at the image of her cuckolding me. The symbolism of perfectly formed beads of pussy juice rolling down the skin of her lovers balls and dropping of his perineum usually sends me spurting my semen.My physical ejaculation seems to side with my mind though. It’s tricky to explain, but I enjoy the whole experience. Even the angst.
This is where we lie on the same page. I think we both fear how much we enjoy the fantasy rather than building upon it.
Anyway, I’m waffling…
I do think Sex and emotions are linked for most. Again, I think it comes down to possessive characteristics rather than genuinely loving and wanting their partner to be happy. I think the concept of monogamy within marriage was invented to reduce crimes of passion. And of course marital celebrations are lucrative with all the taxation involved. People have just been conditioned to act in certain ways that are actually against their very nature, So even on a superficial basis, monogamy is not so much for the benefit of the married couple as much as it is for society as a whole.
But you’re right when you say society dictates that we shouldn’t just act on our hormones and have sex liberally without emotions. Through the medium of religion and society, women have been discouraged from acting on desires by ‘slut shaming’. For a man, a cuckold is a similarly derogatory term. Both are discouraged and even in modern society are both analysed as psychological problems. Perhaps psychological science has replaced religion?
But behind all the nay sayings and negative stigma, the simple fact is that women love to have no strings sex, just as much as men. And that men like to watch other men pleasure their partner. Not everyone can be pigeon holed into simple categories.
My talk of how I want my gf to develop an emotional bonds needs a little more explaining.Admittedly where I would like her to stand is on narrow ground. I want her to have me on her mind as her love, her soulmate whom she trusts and dotes on for everything except sex.Yet her lover would ideally be someone she could obviously enjoy sessions of sex with. Along with it would come pillow talk and dates etc. if anything a friends with benefits scenario. But you are right when you say that we would be playing with fire.
Relationships are about compromise and in such a sense, if he’s thrilling her in the bedroom I’m sure that she’ll slowly come round to the idea (no pun intended!) of having him as a full time partner.Whereas I may be providing everything she needs and wants apart from the sex, she’d be willing to sacrifice her dominance over me in order to build an all round relationship with this bull.
When you put it like that, i can relate to your situation. For the sake of what is a loving and fun relationship, cuckoldry should probably be limited to physical intimacy. Take this as my backtracking on what I said about allowing emotions into a cuckold relationship in my previous message.I guess that was my attempt at injecting risk into an already complex situation. Not a sensible route, your advice is already on board.
It is refreshing to have an adult conversation about cuckolding. Trouble is, there are very few genuinely convincing women who cuckold their partners on the Internet. Not many that have a web presence as vast as yours at least.I’d say at least 95% of cuckold related advice, interest and experience on the Internet is either false, pure fantasy or just completely unrealistic.
It’s different talking to a genuine committed woman with a think-before-you-do attitude. There are many men passing as women dispensing ‘go for it’ advice, acting out what they want for their female partner. Then there are many men passing as cuckolds, clearly living a life where the mere idea of explaining a vague definition of the word ‘cuckold’ to their wife would have disastrous implications for them.Then there are women who have capitalised on men’s desire to be cuckolded. Offering pay for cuckoldry as one of many generic services.
So that’s what’s to contend with. And without kissing your ass too much (I know that’s reserved for someone else!) you currently make up the 5% of credible come-to cuckold resources. Could I ask for links as to where these will be posted? I have no objections of course and I’ve no intention of joining any discussion on any public boards including said posts. But it would be interesting to see other people’s opinions.Last but not least, I can only apologise on behalf of my gender for the crude messages you have received in the past. We are most certainly not all like that :)                                                                                       D-2-c
 Hello again D-2-c,
 First off….I posted some of this to my half dozen or so blogs (redundant blogs) and on FetLife in my groups (not sure if you are a member) and on my G+. You mentioned a desire to read feedback…..generally speaking there isn’t much. I’ve found on many types of blogs and forums, the readers are….as you put it so eloquently “keyboard wankers” and are looking for wank fodder (written and/or visual) and are done. This tend to apply more so to FemDom type of material as opposed to femsub as on those forums/blogs women like to converse, share and fantasize more in written form rather than just “slap off”. :)
 Secondly, your questions about me and my cuckold husband, thoughts, emotions, reasons etc……I’ve written a billion words on it and don’t desire to rehash the……precooked hash???….lol.
All I mean is that for me, expressing it by writing about it, reliving it once or twice is fun, but beyond that it becomes a bit boring for me as I am on to the next cock…er…..venture. :)
 So, as I get much e-mail per day asking, quite often the same questions, I just refer people to my blogs, forums, books, Google+ page etc where everything is already covered….some would say ad nauseam but then no one is putting a gun to their head and forcing them to read my blathering, bloviating, drivel right? :)
 I enjoyed reading your last message. In some ways there is not much to reply to as it is largely your just sharing thoughts and expressing hopes, desires, and I assume your dick was hard throughout a good portion of it right, lol? All fine and well….your enthusiasm for not only your lovely wife but her happiness and your mutual pleasure is refreshing and endearing. I only wish most others that write me had the same level of sincerity and openness between they and their spouses. Far to often people (usually men) try to use me as a sounding board to…..grant them…..or assuage their guilt in the hopes of cheating or seeing a Pro-Domme for their fantasy kicks etc, which I enver do. I (obviously) advocate cuckolding for some people, but that is a very small segment of society that can deal with it and not end up divorced or don’t take precautions regarding health and safety. Honesty is paramount to me and…well….lets just say that my opinions and opposition to guys running off to Pros or Hookers for fantasy has not made me very popular in some quarters. The Pro-Dommes hate me and the guys that see them disagree with me and they all can form a very long line and kiss my ass in turn. :)
 Ooops, went off on a ranting tangent there, lol. Forget my train of thought and need to run off to the gym before they close.
Write back anytime and all the time. I enjoy your letters….. which is a rarity. :) P.S.   Does your lovely better half (of course she’s better, lol) know you are discussing all this and does she have opinions?
                                                                                        Vanessa
Vanessa,
Ok no problem.It’s not hard to see that it’s a niche that most prefer to just talk it out on the Internet.Many are so intertwined with using the Internet as their output for acting out fantasies. I think in those cases it’s clear cut that cuckolding should be left at that.I do find that talking to you about being made a cuckold without delving too deep into the fantasy bucket helps me to  understand the seriousness of it all.
Most have their dick in their hand, indexing keys while stroking to a fantasy being played out at the pace of which they type. The Internet is a great escape for many, much less dangerous than drugs or alcohol. But many of these men have neglected to adopt an open minded attitude to their partners fantasies from day 1. The Idea of cuckolding for them Is purely a fantasy.
Despite that its difficult not to become aroused when talking about our fantasy. So many different opportunities to soak up humiliation by being cuckolded by my love. Being ridiculed for my inferior size or my inability to last long before ejaculation. Watching her have amplified orgasms at the hand and cock of her alpha bull whom she clearly prefers to have sex with. Inhaling the strong scent of pussy juice and worn latex when she makes me go down on her afterwards.
They sometimes dip into the extreme too although I have much stronger reservations about enacting them if our fantasy came to fruition. More humiliating acts such as adorning the bull with the condom, on my knees rolling the latex sheath down the full length of his thick, long swollen shaft, as a gesture that he should use all of his superior cock to stimulate my gf. Balls feel in pleasure.Handling the condom afterwards, being put into the awkward position of trying to avoid touching his seminal fluids.And then there’s the bareback cleanup fantasy, grooming my gf in such a humiliating fashion for myself.
So yeah, I too fall victim to my own arousal when talking about cuckold submission.
I like your writing style. Everything is direct and firm and am i correct when i say its written in a way that isn’t purposefullyintended to arouse? I ask because its graphic but nothing is drawn out like erotica and so regardless of your intentions it does trigger arousal.
I shall dig through some more of your blogs for a better insight as to why you cuckold your husband beyond his embarrassingly premature emissions.
My lovely better half knows no more than what I’ve told you she knows. So no she does not know I’m talking to an expert in cuckoldry.
I’m under no illusion that my partner should ever do anything for me that she doesn’t want for herself. Even as a Dom partner I’ve always maintained this, which could be seen as the foundations for ‘moulding a sub out of a Dom’.And it has nothing to do with wanting a genuine experience…ok so maybe it is a little but it’s just down to respect. Respect for her and respect for our relationship.
I’ve never sought to manipulate her into engaging my fantasy but I have made her aware that I would never judge her if she were to come out with an extreme fantasy confession.
I am simply trying to gain lots of credible perspective into cuckolding, hopefully coming off a little wiser for it but still together. The mere fact that my relationship is good enough to share such a taboo fantasy and then role play to such spectacular orgasms for us both is testament to the fact that I’ve found someone special.
But all this aside, if she were to turn to me tomorrow and ask never to bring up the cuckold fantasy ever again I would give her my word not to. I’m not saying it would go away but I would then know that it’s not in her interest to hear or simulate it.
However, for the time being that’s not the case. I know this may sound irrelevant but she has had more than 40 male partners in the past. I’ve been with 6 women, she’s been with 5. We are both in our early-mid twenties. On those figures alone you’d identify her as the more dominant sexual party in our relationship.
Most of her encounters were one night stands, to which she regrets none of. Cuckoldry aside, I wouldn’t let her feel ashamed of racking up a number high enough that society would deem her a slut for. But it’s nobody else’s business anyway.
Her opinions are that obviously her cuckolding me is very appealing in fantasy but she has yet to really give it more thought as to whether she may want to act it out. A lot of that is down to being uneducated on the subject. She’s one of many people who instinctively think that involving others in a relationship (even if only for an hour underneath the sheets) without destroying the relationship is impossible.
Like you said, honesty goes a long way. And so does trust. Without those a wannabe cuckold might as well hand doll up his woman and hand her over for good when the bull comes a knockin’.
The females pleasure is priority. The cucks arousal is a bi-product for which he must understand that he will be paying for with further anxiety after his climax.Organising goes deeper than signing up on POF on Saturday and meeting a bull on Sunday. Rules are critical and if all abide by them then the risk of breakdown is lessened dramatically.
But unfortunately until someone (specifically a Dom woman) can write a semi best seller based around a wife cuckolding her husband, the possibilities for introducing cuckolding to the vanilla woman remain minimal. And mostly badly written by men.
Ironically male-written cuckold erotica always appear to be short and end rather suddenly :)
50 shades of grey was swallowed up mostly by vanilla women while self proclaimed experts came out of the shadows to denounce it as weak within their realm.Men scoffed as their wives isolated themselves in favour of this book.However, I relished in the fact that women were becoming more liberated and accepting of roles within the bedroom, only a fool would passionate this opportunity to showcase himself as a dominant male. Had i not felt a bit cheated about hearing about some of ‘my’ tricks being used by the Dom male in the story I probably would’ve picked up a copy for myself :/                                                                                              D-2-c 
D-2-c
  Another interesting letter from you….was nice to read. I’m glad you are going slow and discussing this and have mutual interests and benefits at heart. As we’ve both mentioned, people tend to jump in head first with many things and later regret it. I would never advocate anyone introducing cuckoldry into a “shaky” relationship with the hopes that it would spice things up, rejuvenate, enlighten and “save” their marriage. In fact I would advise the opposite in that case. Cuckoldry can work for an already stable relationship and add something to it, but it is never a panacea for existing issues or boredom. 
 Umm, my writing? Never thought about it. I just write whatever and how it comes out is what the reader gets. I mean I don’t write fiction, never tried and never will. My books and blog posts are just a insight into part of my daily life. Erotic, blathering, boring, redundant, sometimes political, lame, whatever, lol. :)  
 I’ve never read the 50 Shades stuff and never will so have no opinion on that. Yes, its the “Mommy porn” and the author somehow got incredibly lucky as from what I’ve heard, its pretty bad writing with many bad reviews but they keep right on buying it. Bored housewife syndrome…..watch out for the milkman, the postman, horny hotwife seeking some sensual after lunch “treats”…..hmmmm…it would be a cuckold situation…..maybe I can write fiction, lol. :)
 Gotta run off and work out. Things have been chaotic the last few days. Write any time. :)                                                                                                  Vanessa
Vanessa,
Well I wouldn’t quite say our interests are entirely mutual. I like to think that at some point in the future my gf will see the benefits and take up the opportunity to enjoy other men at my encouragement. But for now I think it’s a non starter beyond the fantasies.
She has said on numerous occasions that she’s more than happy with our sex life, which I’m quite proud of. I’ve never perceived sex as an entitlement which is why I’ve always worked to ensure our sex life never loses momentum.
All this does have implications that makes the prospect of seeking other men foreign and unnecessary. In which case there’s nothing I could do to change things. Do you think attitudes towards opening up a relationship for the woman change as the relationship goes on?
Like you said, patience is key but again if she still maintains that she wants no part in making it reality then that’s fine. I’m not with her so she can fulfill my fantasies.
I see what you mean about instances where people dive in head first, or maybe pussy first. Without the foundations of trust and respect there’s no willing to satisfy the partner anymore than there is for the cuck himself. I understand just how crucial that is to having a successful cuckold relationship. And it’s also an indicator of how deep a relationship between 2 people can be when such a dynamic is in place.
As far as the writing goes, maybe you should give erotic fiction a go. Granted, it wouldn’t be as fictitious as most other erotic novels as the content would be very much drawn off from your experiences. The excerpts I’ve read from your diaries never fail to stimulate arousal though. You clearly know how to put pen to paper. And it would be interesting to to read erotica written from the woman’s perspective for once.
Perhaps cuckolding as a lifestyle could benefit from the amalgamation of real life experience in a ‘true cuckold lifestyle’ with some vanilla fiction to engage with women in a non-threatening fashion. I’d imagine there are plenty of women out there who would at the very least fantasise about having sex with another man with their partner’s consent. Might even be a nice challenge for you :)                                                                                            D-2-c
D-2-c
Changing attitudes is assured….with both females and males. The question/concern is whether or not the change is positive or negative? Amongst the masses of horrible fiction out there on the web are true stories where someone (male of female) got into swinging, S/M, kink, cuckoldry or whatever….loved it….loved it so much and essentially “left” the other partner behind. I don’t mean left initially as in broke up but rather the level of interest and enthusiasm supposed what the other half had expected. Which is why I always advise caution and patience.
I am glad to read your comment about minimal pressure and not making her feel like a piece of meat placed on this planet to satisfy your sexual interests. Wish more guys had the same mentality and it would benefit them as well. 
As to my writing fiction…..no. I have enough going on and enough real life kinky sex to keep me happy and of course some of it I do write about. :)
Now, if I could just get the fucking plumbers and roofers to finish my house…..I could get back to writing and cuckolding as I would prefer. Renovations suck. :(                                                                                         Vanessa
 Vanessa,
That’s good to hear. Confidence in herself is also integral I suppose, and i’m sure that will come with time. Not that it’s in my interests of pursuing cuckoldry but I like to think that building her confidence in herself and our relationship may even open up the door she currently has under strict lock, key and barricade! And then there’s the fact that even the most solid couples often harbour desires for variety within their sex life after time has passed. Even over the last few nights our chats under the covers have become far more relaxed and less intimidating to share. I’d even go as far as to say she was keen to step it up a notch by slowly sharing more and more explicit stories of ex conquests and cuckolding fantasies. I guess I should point out that she is unaware of the term ‘cuckolding’ (or at least to my knowledge she is unaware!). Perhaps slipping that into a conversation might very well lead to her googling it to get a fresh perspective on whether it might be something she may like to try. In which case I would be hoping against the odds that she stumbles upon some credible hot-wife cuckolding experiences. We both share a variety of interests in regards to ‘alternative’ sexual lifestyles and activities but quite early on in our relationship we established firmly that we won’t pursue anything unless we were on exactly the same page as each other and that we were doing it as an experience where we both could share rather than satisfying one persons fantasy. I’ve never understood how one person could pressure their reluctant partner into acting out a fantasy that they don’t share equal desires for. The person becomes an object then. I guess there’s an exception where cuckolding comes in though and maybe this makes it the complex situation that it is. It’s dangerous to encourage a reluctant hot-wife into making the male partner a cuckold. Yet a hot-wife’s intentions and follow though of making a cuckold out of her husband is usually much more subtle. In short, it’s easier for a woman to make a cuckold out of her male partner than it is for the male to make a cuckold out of himself, would you agree? I think the key is in the fact that there is no clear dom-sub affiliation for each party when a male instigates the entire fantasy>reality scenario. The hotwife however is in charge from day one and there is no power struggle/confusion. I’m living proof that the most dominant of males can be brought back down to his knees at the worship of the hotwife or even the bull quite simply by making him consider the alternate role. I’m intrigued to hear about your queening furniture business. How did that come about? Would it be an abuse of power to delegate the constructive labour to your husband, that is if you already don’t… And I agree. Renovations suck, and it’s not often I use the word ‘suck’ as a negative! Have you not considered the possibility of utilising one of the tradesmen as a spur of the moment bull? Perhaps a new level of humiliation for your hubby, watching his wife get fucked by the plumber then to hand over his hard earned cash for providing such a ‘complete’ service :D  Here’s hoping they finish soon. Make of that comment what you will…                                                                                                                                                                                                       D-2-c
D-2-c,
I would suggest not getting to bogged down in the details, the vernacular/verbiage or specifics initially. What I mean is……consider how many couples are just your basic swingers. Millions, tens or even hundreds of millions. Its a fun little side activity that they engage in with (hopefully) minimal amount of hassles, fuss, grief or pressure. That’s how its supposed to be at least.
Enter cuckoldry with its millions of subtle nuances, details, reverse roles based on the traditional patriarchal practices of modern day society. Add to that the fetish elements that many partake in or subscribe to. In a more classic version of Female Dominate initiated cuckoldry, (as in mine, somewhat) there could be sex slavery, fluffing, forced bisexual acts, strap-ons, cross-dressing, forced femme, worship, tease and denial, chastity, maid service, bondage, the list goes on and on and on. 
My point is you don’t want to overwhelm her with specifics. The problem with some guys and their having a particular type of alternative sex fantasy which they wish to make into reality (not implying you here) is that some having been thinking these thoughts, obsessing over them for months, years, even decades. So when they approach their partner with this, she may be all for it, but soon while going into the myriad of details, she feels…….pressure…..left behind……as in the guy may have had years worth of reading, research, even previous experience and she feel like she has to “catch up” quickly. She wants to make it a mutually rewarding experience, but can soon feel like an employee or that she may not live up to his expectations as if it were a test.
You have a very loving and stable relationship with what appears to be excellent open lines of communication which is great. That alone is half the…..don’t want to say “battle” here but whatever word that would apply correctly in both of you enjoying each other and someone else in a wonderful tryst that could lead into multiple other ways. 
Should she read the majority of the “cuckold tripe” online she may quickly assume that she is expected to give you butt-sex with a dildo while getting gangbanged by the infamous “14 man crew of BBC…each of whom has a 14 inch dick all ending with a creampie”. That would scare any woman off……including yours truly, lol.
Go slow. Enjoy it. Find a couple of tame stories or blogs that focus on the gentler aspects of cuckoldry without all the whips and chains and golden showers topped off with a side order of CFNM (her friends is the popular fantasy) and let her set the pace. Let her lead the stories, the masturbation she may do, her thoughts while you perform orally on her (and you better be buddy, lol) and so on.
There is a term that has popped up the last couple years (that I loathe) on social media/blogs etc called “Alpha-Cuckold”. Obviously this simply means an alpha type guy who wants to see his wife get banged by other guys and want to run the show, set the tone, lay out the script to satisfy *his* fantasy……not hers. I’ve received e-mails from other women whom ask me about this, are stressed, some feel that if they don’t go through with it he may leave her. Fine, is my advice…..divorce his Alpha-Fucking-Ass and find someone who won’t treat you like a piece of meat. My opinions on this have made me *very-very-very* unpopular in some quarters as Mr. Alpha-Dick-Head thinks I am ruining his fantasy. I mean hell, why not just hire a hooker to enact out this fantasy and leave the poor lady alone. Its more abusive than pleasurable for her.
You sound like the type of guy that virtually all dominant women would love to come across. Truly. A real catch and one that gives hope to the single FemDoms out there that can’t find anyone that “gets it” and that would treat them right and care for them beyond just being tits and ass wrapped in some leather.
Lastly, my furniture…..I don’t sell actual furniture, just the plans to build my designs via my site, video, or book, e-book via Amazon. It came about as I wanted to sit on a guys face and after looking at the stud I found online which was uncomfortably built, of cheap quality, and priced at $500 and up…..or the opposite where guys cut out a “face hole” on a lawn chair, I decided I could do better. :)
Keep me informed if you please…..:)                                                                               Vanessa
Vanessa,
That’s an interesting way to look at it. Swinging is quite well established and so is far more ‘acceptable’ in society in comparison to cuckolding. That’s not to say that it’s something anyone could bring up at the dinner table but still it’s something that seems to become a right of passage for many couples as they mature. Cuckolding would be the masochistic yet straight-up sibling of swinging. There’s not much other than the BDSM element that differentiates the two. But in that respect cuckolding seems much more natural than swinging.
For example, swinging is very much a trade situation, you trade your partner for someone else’s before being reunited afterwards (or not!). Again, my research and observations are talking here when I say that cuckolding is a far more intense and emotional experience for all involved. The spectrum of emotions is wide, unpredictable and thus much more exciting than the limited variety you could get from swinging. But if it’s done for the correct reasons and on the foundations of love and commitment as in your case, then there’s no reason that all those emotions cannot be channelled into a highly stimulating experience for all involved.
Admittedly I would say that I too have obsessed over the huge variety of possibilities of being made a cuckold. There’s not many of the fetish elements you mentioned in the last email that I would say i’m completely closed to. My obsessive thoughts rather predictably began with disdain over my fetish to watch my gf having sex with another male. The obsessive thoughts slowly but surely evolve into a far more structured definition of being a cuckold.
In my case I began to fantasise about my gf becoming the dominant person to take control of her sexual desires by seeking out other men rather than me trying to coax her into fulfilling MY fantasy. This was the point where I realised I may very well enjoy handing over the control of our relationship.
Fast forward a few months and I find myself at a brick wall within my own sexual space. My thoughts have very slowly paid a little more focus on the humiliation becoming a little more indirect. Lately I do find myself swatting away thoughts of being directed by my gf to engage in submissive bisexual acts with her bull. And whereas previously I may have had a blurred line between the acts that I would or would not engage in whilst in a cuckold scenario, that line has established itself as a no-go area.In particular, I speak of fluffing the bull. I would consider myself a straight male with limited bisexual curiosities firmly bound within cuckoldry. Never had I considered any sexual activity with another man before exploring cuckoldry. The thought of performing oral sex on a man makes me feel uncomfortable yet the potential for further humiliation and to submit to my partner’s dominant desires never fails to intrigue me. I feel quite confident in saying that I could never cross that boundary. The submission to her is incredibly arousing yet the act itself does repulse me. It’s very confusing, one desire is stronger than the other but im just not sure which.
I haven’t given her any specifics as to how she may enjoy owning me as her cuckold. She is sexually open minded and I feel my guidance may be more of a deterrent if I get too involved and then there’s the fact that It’s not my situation to try to manipulate. I am far ahead as far as the obsession inspired ‘research’ goes. Her knowledge of cuckolding comes from my fantasies and she’s received it as raw as possible; What it is to me, where she is in my fantasy (upon a very high pedestal!) and the all important ‘Why?’.
And then there’s the ‘tripe’ you mention, i’m glad to see we both agree that such material does more to deflect women from digging a little deeper than it encourages.There is progress on a weekly basis as of late. In the even of her taking it upon herself to research and find this blog post I won’t go into too much detail. But little difference spring up every few days, in and out of the bedroom. She is much more comfortable and interested in becoming dominant and all I can do to encourage this transition is obey her every command; a stark contrast to 6 months ago! Fortunately she has really begun to see the benefits of being the dominant party as opposed to wanting and needing to feel dominated.
And so on that basis I am more than happy to let the situation flow at its own pace. There is obvious potential, more so than I first suspected and so hopefully in the future my love will be comfortable in indulging in any desires to date and sleep with other men outside of our relationship. Here’s to further hoping that she’ll keep me involved in someway or another :)
I have come across many cases of alpha cuckold males on various sites, most are obviously fictitious and fantasy but I think the issue is predominantly that the male has a very, very difficult time accepting the fact that allowing your wife to sleep with other men is essentially a submissive act. My theory is that they are alpha in a sub-phobic sense if you like, I suspect even their strong denial contributes to the thrill on some level. They enjoy the cuckoldry but their ‘pride’ (if you can call it that) is damaged so they attempt to ascertain the dominant role, like the director of the scene. Sooner or later the wife will realise she has been granted freedom not only to sleep with other men but freedom from any emotional bond with her husband. Unfortunately she is just an object to satisfy him. I’m not saying that this couldn’t possibly work for any couple but it does seem like this situation is based around a barrier between the husband and the wife w/bull. If the Dom-sub roles are implemented then obviously there’s a much better understanding and the situation is something else but if the guy just turns round one day and tells his wife to get rooted by some 12 inch stud for the husbands visual banquet then yeah, that’s not love.
Thank you for your kind words :) I still feel obliged to press the fact that I am trying to stay as self aware as possible about how my cuckold fantasy affects our relationship. I guess i’m still getting used to the concept that cuckolding can bring a couple closer rather than drive them apart after some brief experimenting. My intention was never to seek a dominant partner, quite the opposite if anything. At the age of 24 I already feel bored of the dominant role and with submission comes a lot more variety so the transition looks to be permanent…
                                                                         D-2-c
D-2-c,
Perhaps your dominant traits are evolving from the brutish, societal, instinctual variety to something more suited to the modern day world. I mean dominant males had their place when it came to fighting lions, bears, going to war and needing to make a log cabin…….not much need for that anymore, lol.
I’ve written many times that the term or title I would use (within some version of the pansexual label as such) for males that may engage in certain acts traditionally considered “homo or bi sexual” as simply an “oral submissive”. What I mean is…..well I guess the distinction to me would be……a gay male is going to go after gay males exclusively. A bisexual male will, of his own volition, seek out the odd male for a tryst or a relationship while still being open to same with a female at some point in his life.
The “oral submissive” is one that has never, and would never, ever…….seek out another male for the purposes of providing oral service with the exception of if being prompted or ordered to do so by a dominant female. For example, said male is aroused, perhaps being trained by a FemDom, blueballs, he has an enormous desire to please her. He wants to please her in all ways that she requires, both in the bedroom and beyond. In this regard though she….for whatever reason…..her own arousal, power tripping, mind fucking, amusement, sexual humiliation or whatever wants him to be a fluffer, clean-up boy or a full blown (pun intended) cock sucker. So he does it. Only out of a desire to please her. He may revel in the humiliation and dominance of this act, or these acts, while being reviled and disgusted by them at the same time.
This is what my cuckold husbands situation is. He follows through with some (to him) disgusting acts that make him gag and choke and bitch and complain…..and he does them anyway. To make me happy and plus……I’ve “trained” him to have some sort of odd connection between my well fucked pussy, the condoms I bring home, and his own sexual place in my life. A total love/hate dynamic that fascinates me to no end.
And its all about me, lol. :)  Vanessa
My Website: http://www.fetishfurniturefactory.comE-books of all my titles from Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Vanessa-Chaland/e/B008B9W8KC http://www.fetishfurniturefactory.comLinks for my paperback books via CreateSpace (owned by Amazon).Dominant Women: Where and How to Meet the FemDom of your Dreams https://www.createspace.com/4129264Queening and Facesitting Chair Designs of FetishFurnitureFactory.com https://www.createspace.com/3763698FemDom Training of Submissive Males https://www.createspace.com/3729534Squirter’s Paradise: Female Ejaculation! Wet musings on owning your body’s sensual gushing gifts!  https://www.createspace.com/3707392Cuckold Letters: Evolution of a Cuckoldress  https://www.createspace.com/3592288Cuckold Journal: Wet Options: Cuckold Letters II The Married Years https://www.createspace.com/3970589

fetishfurniturefactory:

Transitional Issues: Dominant male becomes a cuckold. {E-mails between a reader and myself, reposted with his permission.}

Vanessa,

I’m a long time fan of your blogs and you’ve done an excellent job in showing professionalism in detailing a fetish that is most often depicting and expressed by horny keyboard wankers, eager to write their fantasies aloud in a bid to close the gap on their lives and reality.
Anyway..Me and my gf have been together for a little over a year. We are close and communicate very well.

About 4 months ago I confessed via text how if we were to pursue alternate sexual lifestyles, I would like to see her having sex with other men.

Naturally she freaked out at the thought of her not being enough for me.

But eventually I calmed her down, expressing my love and commitment to her. I explained the appeal was in seeing her let go and enjoy herself, freeing herself from the shackles of monogamy.

Further still, I enforced that this was to forever remain a fantasy and not reality.

When we were in bed the next night, under cover of darkness I brought up the topic yet again. This time I explained the appeal more in depth.

As a Dom, I have begun to toy with the idea of taking a submissive role. So I explained again about her adulterous ways revolving around my submission and devotion to her all the while of course, she is encouraged to act out promiscuous fantasies with other men.

Her attitude had changed to being understanding quite quickly and soon after subtly leading her into a vocal fantasy involving her inviting another man into our bed while I watch on, her vagina was soaked.

She was wetter and slacker than I’ve ever experienced. She moaned and groaned  with excitement every time I directed her through this fantasy of choosing an alpha stranger over her beta partner.

Needless to say, the sex was fantastic. And on the occasions where I whip out the cuckold fantasy, she turns to mush within moments.

But after these fantasy cuckold sessions she makes the point that we should only do it on occasion. Which is fine apart from the sense of fear in her tone when she says it.

It didn’t take long to realize that actually I think she might be open to a cuckold lifestyle or even just to test the waters, although saving face under the guise that she wants no one else but me.

She’s scared how much she gets off on it and to an extent so am I. But I feel I’m
More ready for it now than maybe 6 months ago.

The Dom in me has practically disappeared and the lengths I’m willing to go to in order to satisfy her and fulfill her sexual appetite through the medium of my chastity and her many other lovers has become etched into my mind so much so that I want this to become more than reality.

Where do I go from this point?? I’m teetering on the edge of a whole new exciting life with my love yet I don’t know how to make it happen.

                                                                Yours sincerely,
                                                                  Dom-2-cuck

(I changed his “name” for his privacy. Vanessa)


D-2-C,

Be careful of what you wish for. Fantasy is great, reality may be a whole other situation.

Look at it like this….your relationship dynamic initiated (I presume) on your being Dominant and her submissive. Her mentioning that she prefers to only engage in this fantasy on occasion implies…perhaps….a fear that you will gravitate more towards the submissive side and she would be short changed by no longer having her Dominant mate. She would lose that which may be a concern to her, stated or even thought of…or not thus far.

Also, the flip side, what if she ends up enjoying more and more and no longer wants to be submissive to you? What if she enjoys it to the point that she wants more and more, to the point where you feel threatened or left out? Many things to consider before jumping between the sheets…..well at least she would be. :)

                                                                                      Vanessa

Vanessa,

Thank you for your response.
I understand your point.

I would say this fear stems from the fact that the orgasms are so intense when the lights are off and ‘I’m not the one fucking her’. There is a definitive difference in her orgasms and as you very well know, the mouth can lie but the vagina cannot.

And then there’s the fact that she takes control of the fantasy once it’s initiated, which is the closest I’ve felt to cuckold angst.
Her kisses quickly become deeper, more lustful. She vocalizes that I’m well away from her and her lover, ‘watching HELPLESSLY’ with my cock in my hand.
She grabs my hips closer and gyrates more vigorously.

And then there’s the orgasm. In comparison to times when we don’t role play the fantasy, her orgasm is premature for starters. It seems to last much much longer. She is far louder and expressive. She’s usually in an exhausted heap afterwards and has even begun to cry upon climax as of late.

Then there are other aspects where she has insinuated a dominating role. Around the house she often comes behind me, grabs my hips and thrusts as If taking me with a penis of her own.

All this amounts to me thinking she may very well be opening up to making me a cuckold. The benefits for her are obvious to you and I.

The flip side you mentioned is exactly what I want. Admittedly it’s a huge transition for me to go from Dom to submissive cuckold, but I think that’s the excitement.

Heightening the appeal further is a problem though. I’m quite well endowed and good in bed. I don’t lack stamina or vigor and our sex life is good. I just want it to be better…for her.

I want her to shed her ever diminishing submissive tendencies and adopt this dominant role in our relationship.
I want her to embrace her freedom at my expense.
I want her to want more and more and delegate me to a life of chastity.
I want to prep her for other men.
I want to feel left out as she pursues more alpha males.


                                                                        Yours sincerely,
                                                                                D-2-c

D-2-c,

 Contrary to popular Internet cuckold website myth…not all cuckoldry is about penis size. For me, its as much about my husband ejaculating within moments of entering me, plus variety….which applies to many other women as well.

 Still, the physical aspects are well known, thought of, fantasied about. The real life emotional ones are often not considered. Patience and caution are advised. I only say this as I’ve known a few couples (real life, not online) for which it did not end well. 

 As long as all details are discussed and there is no pressure, it can go well for you two. :)

P.S. Do you mind if I use this thread for a blog post? Your name can be removed for privacy if you like.                     
                                                                                                         Vanessa


Vanessa,

Although as you say penis size is not important, I do think a mutual understanding of the cucks sexual inadequacy is important.

Not so much to qualify for the fantasy as there are many other aspects that are equal or more so important but for the female to furthermore ascertain her dominance and control of what is overall HER situation.

I think self confidence is the cuckolds gravity that brings him back down to earth once his ejaculate is spent over his own knuckles watching his female partner fornicate with another man.

He literally ‘cums’ down from that high back to the understanding that its HIS property that’s getting manhandled and taken to knew heights by someone who has no intention of dealing with all the emotional, financial and general investments of the relationship.

And I believe this is the point where needs to be understood further in order to whittle out the cucks from the wannabe’s so to speak.

Take away that confidence with a subtle breakdown of the males self esteem and confidence in a loving but solid ‘matter of fact’ tone over time.
After he’s unwound psychologically then he’s much more likely to accept what’s happening in front of his post orgasmic glazed eyes as his wife is only a third of a way into her promiscuous frenzy herself.

He may not like what he sees from a moral standpoint but you can bet your bottom dollar after the angst has settled, the next worry for him is why his penis is once again getting hard as the female and her bull continue regardless.

Even if her confidence attacks aren’t entirely true, penis size is not something that can be altered. That’s the beginning if his inadequacy right there. We all know women rate out cocks on size. And the inability to do anything about penis size contributes furthermore to inadequacy worries.

Even if a woman has to lie about her partners ‘shortcomings’ to bring him down a page or two, then surely she’ll be far more in control of any wandering ego that’s possibly due to serve as a form of emotional defence against embracing life as a cuckold.

Personally, being a cuckold to me is even more so about the emotional ties my gf would inevitably form with her lovers.

Our relationship is way more solid and open than most and I’m more than confident that she knows that I bring enough to the table that leaving me for a bull would never happen.

Physically I want her pleasure more than anything else, and as was the case when we first got together, I know how strong a bond great sex usually is.

But I’d be a fool to think another man is going to screw her brains out and she’ll let him escape her mind. Good sex is never just physical.

Thing is, and this is what makes me think that I’ve recently ‘metamorphosed’ into a cuckold in reality not just fantasy, I want her to develop emotional bonds with alpha lovers outside our relationship.

Like I said, I genuinely don’t think she’s the type to leave such a good relationship with a partner that supports her promiscuous ways with other men.

I know there are plenty of horror stories out there but I think that’s down to the relationship being on poor foundations and the fact that the couple have never approached the subject when ‘erotically sober’.

It’s a big deal, more so than most realize. But I can see cuckolding lifestyles slowly becoming more mainstream over time.

Discussions aside, I’m still at a loss as to how I nudge that transition from fantasy to reality :/

I have no problem with you using this on your blog, I’d be honored if anything! I’m sure there are many men and women who can relate to my situation and perhaps it may make others understand that it’s not a black and white decision to get involved in cuckoldry.

And yes, hiding my name or calling me by something without the word ******* in it would be great.

Of all the blogs and websites out there you have by far secured your place as ‘most genuine queen of cuckolding’.
Cuckolding is centered around the woman, and so she is the best person to dispense any advice on the topic.

P.s. the spinach post did tickle me!

When I typed»> It’s a big deal, more so than most realize. But I can see cuckolding lifestyles slowly becoming more mainstream over time.

I meant to add»> Much to the detriment of many good relationships that are under the false pretenses that they have all bases covered.
There will be more fallout than success to this surge in popularity simply down to a lack of honesty, understanding and and a complete underestimation how complex cuckold relationships really are.

It will work out for many, but not for most.
 
                                                                                                              D-2-c

D-2-c,

Bitch slap forthcoming for you my friend for the following:

"He literally ‘cums’ down from that high back to the understanding that its HIS property that’s getting manhandled…………"

"His" property?

Chattel?

Possession’s?

We are property to you?

I see a bit of the lingering attitude and sense of entitlement from being a Dom there, lol. :)

For me, that would be a bit of a problem. I am my own property. Outside of that I get your point. 

At the same time I disagree with the notion that sex equals emotion. Sure, we have that pounded into our heads by family, church, state and society, but I’ve never felt that it has to be true. Copulating, screwing, banging, whatever… is a physical act that can last literally a few seconds (for some guys, hence the reason I cuckold my husband….well one reason anyway, lol). 

If a guy barely recalls a hooker he banged while in the military being stationed overseas 30 years ago on some drunken night, why would anyone assume that we would be different? Again, I know everyone has been told that men are men and we think/act different. But consider a woman that belongs to a huge swinging lifestyle…..do you think she recalls details of her 32nd swing partner any more than her 93rd or 187th? Doubtful really right?

People can have sex with emotion and/or love or just have sex for sex. For myself, it’s just sex when I am with a “lover” meaning a Bull. I absolutely totally refuse to allow anything else into it. In reality, its not even something than could happen as (considering my very lengthy and detailed vetting process) I don’t know anything about them. First names only, and (I assume) that is not even real. They are in and out (figuratively and literally) of my car/house/whatever and pussy within a few moments….and that’s not only how I want it but insist on it. So, with no real conversation, the lights are low, wham, bam, Thank you Ma’am (again literally) there will never be an opportunity for any emotional attachment to develop.

Having said that, you mentioned a desire for her to develop emotional bonds with her lovers. Its your life, and hers, but I would say….no….I would scream….. Playing With Fire on that one. But, that is entirely between the two of you and whomever she is having sex with. On that I really can’t add much thought/advice/opinion as its something so foreign to me, something I have no experience with, and have never considered that its beyond my realm of knowledge. With virtually everything else you expressed, I largely agree or at least try to understand coming from your male perspective. As you may know, my own life and how I came into this lifestyle is vastly different than what you are desiring so…that too is new to me.

I am posting this on blogs, a few forums etc as we mentioned. Do write back and let me know how things progress, or don’t, or anything else you like. I enjoy your intelligence and writing, a rarity with most messages I get are online cam/chat offers. :)

                                                            Vanessa
Vanessa,

Ok so the original message was wrote on a tablet which would explain the note like formatting. Looked dreadful so I’ll condense it down a little…
 
Well, yes. In our eyes at least. ‘Our’ being men as a whole. Ill acknowledge the bitch slap as the wording may have been a little loose. I’ve never referred to a woman as ‘my property’ in any sense personally but generally a partner is only a posession if you are a possessive character.
In the bedroom as a dominant partner I have simulated this ‘ownership’ as the building blocks of where she lies in her mind as I’m manhandling her. Lots of women love to be ‘owned’ even if only in the bedroom.

And you’re probably right, there is a little bit of my Dom attitude poking through the surface still.

It’s an important part of the curriculum of being a man. We are very much raised to believe that women are our property. It’s a primitive notion that we’ll never be able to shake.
Men have fought and killed for ‘their’ women all throughout history. Which, come to think about it further instills the notion that even the most alpha of males is reduced to a submissive when he acts on accordance with his primitive desire to protect and care for his woman.
And am I correct when I say this possessive attitude contributes to you and your husbands cuckold lifestyle? After all, his kicks derive from the fact that his wife is fornicating with another man. His brain is hard wired to not tolerate that without question *que jealous lover fist fight*.

But some men are smarter than most. He could either put himself through physical trauma by reacting with violence, which in such a situation solves nothing as this may very well further her desires to sleep with her lover.
Or he could bypass that entire situation and accept that fact that his wife is not HIS property and that her relationship dynamic requires the freedom to enjoy many partners while still retaining that doting life companion. Rolling without the punches could be one way of looking at it.

Now I understand many men will assume its much more simple than that and a cheating wife can be dealt with by going caveman on her lover. But there are some of us who understand that society’s paths are often boring, linear and frankly full of potholes and obstacles.
In which case we might just as well take our own road and break free from traditions. To the extent of encouraging/letting/accepting our partners desires to seek other men for her sexual satisfaction.  In short, society says no, while we scream ‘fuck yeah!’.

I don’t know the actual chemistry that takes place in the brain but there’s turmoil for the cuck when he chooses to indulge in his guilty pleasure rather than ‘being a man’. The infamous Cuckold angst is harder to understand than it is to avoid altogether.

We’ve never included another person in our sex life but even acting out the fantasy is intense and so unpredictable. When we pull out our psychological sex toy from the chest, you would be surprised that she ever had any reservations about being fucked by a man other than her devoted partner.
She’s lost in the moment completely. Her pussy is sodden and the sheets always need changing afterwards due to her excess fluids.
It’s the only time that there’s a damp patch spanning at least 10cm in diameter.
She moans in response to my vocal narrative as I guide her through the fantasy, suggestible to pretty much everything I say.
When I tell her that she looks over to the left to witness her boyfriend watching avidly, penis in hand, entranced and semi catatonic at the guilty pleasure of a spectacle in front of him, she looks left and moans.
Her eyes are closed but the neck movement is enough to simulate the vision in her mind.
She sees me, away from her across the room. I can only imagine this to be a glorious headfuck for her as my words continue to liberate her parallel with her lovers rhythmic thrusting.

The reality of course is that I’m physically fucking her. My penis is massaging her pussy and vice versa. But witnessing her lose herself so deeply to a few words and some broken inhibitions is thrill within itself. My penis is penetrating her repeatedly yet she appears to gain far more satisfaction under the illusion that my penis is well out of reach.
Her point of arousal is when she fantasises about me sat away from them stroking my shaft as this faceless stranger pounds pleasure into her vagina.
My penis is technically that of the alpha man in her mind and I’d have to admit its a little unnerving seeing her react more enthusiastically when I repeatedly make reference to her lovers cock.

This was my first experience of cuckold angst. It’s uncomfortable realising that it doesn’t take very long at all to become usurped to an alpha male. And if it were that simple to arouse her, how can I be sure I even qualify as even a beta male? I guided her into a sexual situation with a stranger and she literally lapped it up with a thirst for more.
That’s when the sense of sexual inadequacy kicks in. If it weren’t for the fact that I am usually teetering on the edge of a mind bending taboo orgasm when she’s acting out this fantasy, I would probably freak out.

But I ride it out so to speak, which is where my orgasms start to bind themselves to the idea of other men fucking my gf. And in honesty, that link between intense orgasms and being the observer to my partners orgasms induced by other men gets stronger every time.
There’s also a noticeable sense of irony that whenever we play out the cuckold fantasy I seem to be developing premature ejaculation bi-proxy. I mentioned that she ends up wetter than when we don’t role play. And In conjunction with the fantasy, I very much end up ejaculating moments within entering her pussy.

My body is simulating the bull, while my mind is reaching the point of orgasm at the image of her cuckolding me. The symbolism of perfectly formed beads of pussy juice rolling down the skin of her lovers balls and dropping of his perineum usually sends me spurting my semen.
My physical ejaculation seems to side with my mind though. It’s tricky to explain, but I enjoy the whole experience. Even the angst.

This is where we lie on the same page. I think we both fear how much we enjoy the fantasy rather than building upon it.

Anyway, I’m waffling…

I do think Sex and emotions are linked for most. Again, I think it comes down to possessive characteristics rather than genuinely loving and wanting their partner to be happy. I think the concept of monogamy within marriage was invented to reduce crimes of passion. And of course marital celebrations are lucrative with all the taxation involved. People have just been conditioned to act in certain ways that are actually against their very nature, So even on a superficial basis, monogamy is not so much for the benefit of the married couple as much as it is for society as a whole.

But you’re right when you say society dictates that we shouldn’t just act on our hormones and have sex liberally without emotions. Through the medium of religion and society, women have been discouraged from acting on desires by ‘slut shaming’. For a man, a cuckold is a similarly derogatory term.
Both are discouraged and even in modern society are both analysed as psychological problems. Perhaps psychological science has replaced religion?

But behind all the nay sayings and negative stigma, the simple fact is that women love to have no strings sex, just as much as men. And that men like to watch other men pleasure their partner. Not everyone can be pigeon holed into simple categories.

My talk of how I want my gf to develop an emotional bonds needs a little more explaining.
Admittedly where I would like her to stand is on narrow ground. I want her to have me on her mind as her love, her soulmate whom she trusts and dotes on for everything except sex.
Yet her lover would ideally be someone she could obviously enjoy sessions of sex with. Along with it would come pillow talk and dates etc. if anything a friends with benefits scenario.
But you are right when you say that we would be playing with fire.

Relationships are about compromise and in such a sense, if he’s thrilling her in the bedroom I’m sure that she’ll slowly come round to the idea (no pun intended!) of having him as a full time partner.
Whereas I may be providing everything she needs and wants apart from the sex, she’d be willing to sacrifice her dominance over me in order to build an all round relationship with this bull.

When you put it like that, i can relate to your situation. For the sake of what is a loving and fun relationship, cuckoldry should probably be limited to physical intimacy. Take this as my backtracking on what I said about allowing emotions into a cuckold relationship in my previous message.
I guess that was my attempt at injecting risk into an already complex situation. Not a sensible route, your advice is already on board.


It is refreshing to have an adult conversation about cuckolding. Trouble is, there are very few genuinely convincing women who cuckold their partners on the Internet. Not many that have a web presence as vast as yours at least.
I’d say at least 95% of cuckold related advice, interest and experience on the Internet is either false, pure fantasy or just completely unrealistic.

It’s different talking to a genuine committed woman with a think-before-you-do attitude. There are many men passing as women dispensing ‘go for it’ advice, acting out what they want for their female partner.
Then there are many men passing as cuckolds, clearly living a life where the mere idea of explaining a vague definition of the word ‘cuckold’ to their wife would have disastrous implications for them.
Then there are women who have capitalised on men’s desire to be cuckolded. Offering pay for cuckoldry as one of many generic services.

So that’s what’s to contend with. And without kissing your ass too much (I know that’s reserved for someone else!) you currently make up the 5% of credible come-to cuckold resources.
Could I ask for links as to where these will be posted? I have no objections of course and I’ve no intention of joining any discussion on any public boards including said posts. But it would be interesting to see other people’s opinions.
Last but not least, I can only apologise on behalf of my gender for the crude messages you have received in the past. We are most certainly not all like that :)
 
                                                                                      D-2-c


 Hello again D-2-c,

 First off….I posted some of this to my half dozen or so blogs (redundant blogs) and on FetLife in my groups (not sure if you are a member) and on my G+. You mentioned a desire to read feedback…..generally speaking there isn’t much. I’ve found on many types of blogs and forums, the readers are….as you put it so eloquently “keyboard wankers” and are looking for wank fodder (written and/or visual) and are done. This tend to apply more so to FemDom type of material as opposed to femsub as on those forums/blogs women like to converse, share and fantasize more in written form rather than just “slap off”. :)

 Secondly, your questions about me and my cuckold husband, thoughts, emotions, reasons etc……I’ve written a billion words on it and don’t desire to rehash the……precooked hash???….lol.

All I mean is that for me, expressing it by writing about it, reliving it once or twice is fun, but beyond that it becomes a bit boring for me as I am on to the next cock…er…..venture. :)

 So, as I get much e-mail per day asking, quite often the same questions, I just refer people to my blogs, forums, books, Google+ page etc where everything is already covered….some would say ad nauseam but then no one is putting a gun to their head and forcing them to read my blathering, bloviating, drivel right? :)

 I enjoyed reading your last message. In some ways there is not much to reply to as it is largely your just sharing thoughts and expressing hopes, desires, and I assume your dick was hard throughout a good portion of it right, lol? All fine and well….your enthusiasm for not only your lovely wife but her happiness and your mutual pleasure is refreshing and endearing. I only wish most others that write me had the same level of sincerity and openness between they and their spouses. Far to often people (usually men) try to use me as a sounding board to…..grant them…..or assuage their guilt in the hopes of cheating or seeing a Pro-Domme for their fantasy kicks etc, which I enver do. I (obviously) advocate cuckolding for some people, but that is a very small segment of society that can deal with it and not end up divorced or don’t take precautions regarding health and safety. Honesty is paramount to me and…well….lets just say that my opinions and opposition to guys running off to Pros or Hookers for fantasy has not made me very popular in some quarters. The Pro-Dommes hate me and the guys that see them disagree with me and they all can form a very long line and kiss my ass in turn. :)

 Ooops, went off on a ranting tangent there, lol. Forget my train of thought and need to run off to the gym before they close.

Write back anytime and all the time. I enjoy your letters….. which is a rarity. :)
 
P.S.   Does your lovely better half (of course she’s better, lol) know you are discussing all this and does she have opinions?

                                                                                        Vanessa

Vanessa,

Ok no problem.
It’s not hard to see that it’s a niche that most prefer to just talk it out on the Internet.
Many are so intertwined with using the Internet as their output for acting out fantasies. I think in those cases it’s clear cut that cuckolding should be left at that.
I do find that talking to you about being made a cuckold without delving too deep into the fantasy bucket helps me to  understand the seriousness of it all.

Most have their dick in their hand, indexing keys while stroking to a fantasy being played out at the pace of which they type. The Internet is a great escape for many, much less dangerous than drugs or alcohol. But many of these men have neglected to adopt an open minded attitude to their partners fantasies from day 1. The Idea of cuckolding for them Is purely a fantasy.

Despite that its difficult not to become aroused when talking about our fantasy. So many different opportunities to soak up humiliation by being cuckolded by my love.
Being ridiculed for my inferior size or my inability to last long before ejaculation. Watching her have amplified orgasms at the hand and cock of her alpha bull whom she clearly prefers to have sex with.
Inhaling the strong scent of pussy juice and worn latex when she makes me go down on her afterwards.

They sometimes dip into the extreme too although I have much stronger reservations about enacting them if our fantasy came to fruition.
More humiliating acts such as adorning the bull with the condom, on my knees rolling the latex sheath down the full length of his thick, long swollen shaft, as a gesture that he should use all of his superior cock to stimulate my gf. Balls feel in pleasure.
Handling the condom afterwards, being put into the awkward position of trying to avoid touching his seminal fluids.
And then there’s the bareback cleanup fantasy, grooming my gf in such a humiliating fashion for myself.

So yeah, I too fall victim to my own arousal when talking about cuckold submission.

I like your writing style. Everything is direct and firm and am i correct when i say its written in a way that isn’t purposefullyintended to arouse? I ask because its graphic but nothing is drawn out like erotica and so regardless of your intentions it does trigger arousal.

I shall dig through some more of your blogs for a better insight as to why you cuckold your husband beyond his embarrassingly premature emissions.

My lovely better half knows no more than what I’ve told you she knows. So no she does not know I’m talking to an expert in cuckoldry.

I’m under no illusion that my partner should ever do anything for me that she doesn’t want for herself. Even as a Dom partner I’ve always maintained this, which could be seen as the foundations for ‘moulding a sub out of a Dom’.
And it has nothing to do with wanting a genuine experience…ok so maybe it is a little but it’s just down to respect.
Respect for her and respect for our relationship.

I’ve never sought to manipulate her into engaging my fantasy but I have made her aware that I would never judge her if she were to come out with an extreme fantasy confession.

I am simply trying to gain lots of credible perspective into cuckolding, hopefully coming off a little wiser for it but still together. The mere fact that my relationship is good enough to share such a taboo fantasy and then role play to such spectacular orgasms for us both is testament to the fact that I’ve found someone special.

But all this aside, if she were to turn to me tomorrow and ask never to bring up the cuckold fantasy ever again I would give her my word not to. I’m not saying it would go away but I would then know that it’s not in her interest to hear or simulate it.

However, for the time being that’s not the case. I know this may sound irrelevant but she has had more than 40 male partners in the past. I’ve been with 6 women, she’s been with 5. We are both in our early-mid twenties. On those figures alone you’d identify her as the more dominant sexual party in our relationship.

Most of her encounters were one night stands, to which she regrets none of. Cuckoldry aside, I wouldn’t let her feel ashamed of racking up a number high enough that society would deem her a slut for. But it’s nobody else’s business anyway.

Her opinions are that obviously her cuckolding me is very appealing in fantasy but she has yet to really give it more thought as to whether she may want to act it out.
A lot of that is down to being uneducated on the subject. She’s one of many people who instinctively think that involving others in a relationship (even if only for an hour underneath the sheets) without destroying the relationship is impossible.

Like you said, honesty goes a long way. And so does trust. Without those a wannabe cuckold might as well hand doll up his woman and hand her over for good when the bull comes a knockin’.

The females pleasure is priority. The cucks arousal is a bi-product for which he must understand that he will be paying for with further anxiety after his climax.
Organising goes deeper than signing up on POF on Saturday and meeting a bull on Sunday. Rules are critical and if all abide by them then the risk of breakdown is lessened dramatically.

But unfortunately until someone (specifically a Dom woman) can write a semi best seller based around a wife cuckolding her husband, the possibilities for introducing cuckolding to the vanilla woman remain minimal. And mostly badly written by men.

Ironically male-written cuckold erotica always appear to be short and end rather suddenly :)

50 shades of grey was swallowed up mostly by vanilla women while self proclaimed experts came out of the shadows to denounce it as weak within their realm.
Men scoffed as their wives isolated themselves in favour of this book.
However, I relished in the fact that women were becoming more liberated and accepting of roles within the bedroom, only a fool would passionate this opportunity to showcase himself as a dominant male.
Had i not felt a bit cheated about hearing about some of ‘my’ tricks being used by the Dom male in the story I probably would’ve picked up a copy for myself :/
                                                                                             D-2-c
 

D-2-c

  Another interesting letter from you….was nice to read. I’m glad you are going slow and discussing this and have mutual interests and benefits at heart. As we’ve both mentioned, people tend to jump in head first with many things and later regret it. I would never advocate anyone introducing cuckoldry into a “shaky” relationship with the hopes that it would spice things up, rejuvenate, enlighten and “save” their marriage. In fact I would advise the opposite in that case. Cuckoldry can work for an already stable relationship and add something to it, but it is never a panacea for existing issues or boredom. 


 Umm, my writing? Never thought about it. I just write whatever and how it comes out is what the reader gets. I mean I don’t write fiction, never tried and never will. My books and blog posts are just a insight into part of my daily life. Erotic, blathering, boring, redundant, sometimes political, lame, whatever, lol. :)
 

 I’ve never read the 50 Shades stuff and never will so have no opinion on that. Yes, its the “Mommy porn” and the author somehow got incredibly lucky as from what I’ve heard, its pretty bad writing with many bad reviews but they keep right on buying it. Bored housewife syndrome…..watch out for the milkman, the postman, horny hotwife seeking some sensual after lunch “treats”…..hmmmm…it would be a cuckold situation…..maybe I can write fiction, lol. :)

 Gotta run off and work out. Things have been chaotic the last few days. Write any time. :)
                                                                                                  Vanessa


Vanessa,

Well I wouldn’t quite say our interests are entirely mutual. I like to think that at some point in the future my gf will see the benefits and take up the opportunity to enjoy other men at my encouragement. But for now I think it’s a non starter beyond the fantasies.

She has said on numerous occasions that she’s more than happy with our sex life, which I’m quite proud of. I’ve never perceived sex as an entitlement which is why I’ve always worked to ensure our sex life never loses momentum.

All this does have implications that makes the prospect of seeking other men foreign and unnecessary. In which case there’s nothing I could do to change things. Do you think attitudes towards opening up a relationship for the woman change as the relationship goes on?

Like you said, patience is key but again if she still maintains that she wants no part in making it reality then that’s fine. I’m not with her so she can fulfill my fantasies.

I see what you mean about instances where people dive in head first, or maybe pussy first. Without the foundations of trust and respect there’s no willing to satisfy the partner anymore than there is for the cuck himself. I understand just how crucial that is to having a successful cuckold relationship. And it’s also an indicator of how deep a relationship between 2 people can be when such a dynamic is in place.

As far as the writing goes, maybe you should give erotic fiction a go. Granted, it wouldn’t be as fictitious as most other erotic novels as the content would be very much drawn off from your experiences. The excerpts I’ve read from your diaries never fail to stimulate arousal though. You clearly know how to put pen to paper. And it would be interesting to to read erotica written from the woman’s perspective for once.

Perhaps cuckolding as a lifestyle could benefit from the amalgamation of real life experience in a ‘true cuckold lifestyle’ with some vanilla fiction to engage with women in a non-threatening fashion. I’d imagine there are plenty of women out there who would at the very least fantasise about having sex with another man with their partner’s consent.
Might even be a nice challenge for you :)
                                                                                           D-2-c

D-2-c

Changing attitudes is assured….with both females and males. The question/concern is whether or not the change is positive or negative? Amongst the masses of horrible fiction out there on the web are true stories where someone (male of female) got into swinging, S/M, kink, cuckoldry or whatever….loved it….loved it so much and essentially “left” the other partner behind. I don’t mean left initially as in broke up but rather the level of interest and enthusiasm supposed what the other half had expected. Which is why I always advise caution and patience.

I am glad to read your comment about minimal pressure and not making her feel like a piece of meat placed on this planet to satisfy your sexual interests. Wish more guys had the same mentality and it would benefit them as well. 

As to my writing fiction…..no. I have enough going on and enough real life kinky sex to keep me happy and of course some of it I do write about. :)

Now, if I could just get the fucking plumbers and roofers to finish my house…..I could get back to writing and cuckolding as I would prefer. Renovations suck. :(
 
                                                                                        Vanessa

 
Vanessa,

That’s good to hear. Confidence in herself is also integral I suppose, and i’m sure that will come with time. Not that it’s in my interests of pursuing cuckoldry but I like to think that building her confidence in herself and our relationship may even open up the door she currently has under strict lock, key and barricade! And then there’s the fact that even the most solid couples often harbour desires for variety within their sex life after time has passed.
 
Even over the last few nights our chats under the covers have become far more relaxed and less intimidating to share. I’d even go as far as to say she was keen to step it up a notch by slowly sharing more and more explicit stories of ex conquests and cuckolding fantasies. I guess I should point out that she is unaware of the term ‘cuckolding’ (or at least to my knowledge she is unaware!). Perhaps slipping that into a conversation might very well lead to her googling it to get a fresh perspective on whether it might be something she may like to try. In which case I would be hoping against the odds that she stumbles upon some credible hot-wife cuckolding experiences.
 
We both share a variety of interests in regards to ‘alternative’ sexual lifestyles and activities but quite early on in our relationship we established firmly that we won’t pursue anything unless we were on exactly the same page as each other and that we were doing it as an experience where we both could share rather than satisfying one persons fantasy. I’ve never understood how one person could pressure their reluctant partner into acting out a fantasy that they don’t share equal desires for. The person becomes an object then.
 
I guess there’s an exception where cuckolding comes in though and maybe this makes it the complex situation that it is. It’s dangerous to encourage a reluctant hot-wife into making the male partner a cuckold. Yet a hot-wife’s intentions and follow though of making a cuckold out of her husband is usually much more subtle. In short, it’s easier for a woman to make a cuckold out of her male partner than it is for the male to make a cuckold out of himself, would you agree?
I think the key is in the fact that there is no clear dom-sub affiliation for each party when a male instigates the entire fantasy>reality scenario. The hotwife however is in charge from day one and there is no power struggle/confusion.
 
I’m living proof that the most dominant of males can be brought back down to his knees at the worship of the hotwife or even the bull quite simply by making him consider the alternate role.
 
I’m intrigued to hear about your queening furniture business. How did that come about? Would it be an abuse of power to delegate the constructive labour to your husband, that is if you already don’t…
 
And I agree. Renovations suck, and it’s not often I use the word ‘suck’ as a negative! Have you not considered the possibility of utilising one of the tradesmen as a spur of the moment bull? Perhaps a new level of humiliation for your hubby, watching his wife get fucked by the plumber then to hand over his hard earned cash for providing such a ‘complete’ service :D
 
 Here’s hoping they finish soon. Make of that comment what you will…
                                                                                                                                                                                                       D-2-c


D-2-c,

I would suggest not getting to bogged down in the details, the vernacular/verbiage or specifics initially. What I mean is……consider how many couples are just your basic swingers. Millions, tens or even hundreds of millions. Its a fun little side activity that they engage in with (hopefully) minimal amount of hassles, fuss, grief or pressure. That’s how its supposed to be at least.

Enter cuckoldry with its millions of subtle nuances, details, reverse roles based on the traditional patriarchal practices of modern day society. Add to that the fetish elements that many partake in or subscribe to. In a more classic version of Female Dominate initiated cuckoldry, (as in mine, somewhat) there could be sex slavery, fluffing, forced bisexual acts, strap-ons, cross-dressing, forced femme, worship, tease and denial, chastity, maid service, bondage, the list goes on and on and on. 

My point is you don’t want to overwhelm her with specifics. The problem with some guys and their having a particular type of alternative sex fantasy which they wish to make into reality (not implying you here) is that some having been thinking these thoughts, obsessing over them for months, years, even decades. So when they approach their partner with this, she may be all for it, but soon while going into the myriad of details, she feels…….pressure…..left behind……as in the guy may have had years worth of reading, research, even previous experience and she feel like she has to “catch up” quickly. She wants to make it a mutually rewarding experience, but can soon feel like an employee or that she may not live up to his expectations as if it were a test.

You have a very loving and stable relationship with what appears to be excellent open lines of communication which is great. That alone is half the…..don’t want to say “battle” here but whatever word that would apply correctly in both of you enjoying each other and someone else in a wonderful tryst that could lead into multiple other ways. 

Should she read the majority of the “cuckold tripe” online she may quickly assume that she is expected to give you butt-sex with a dildo while getting gangbanged by the infamous “14 man crew of BBC…each of whom has a 14 inch dick all ending with a creampie”. That would scare any woman off……including yours truly, lol.

Go slow. Enjoy it. Find a couple of tame stories or blogs that focus on the gentler aspects of cuckoldry without all the whips and chains and golden showers topped off with a side order of CFNM (her friends is the popular fantasy) and let her set the pace. Let her lead the stories, the masturbation she may do, her thoughts while you perform orally on her (and you better be buddy, lol) and so on.

There is a term that has popped up the last couple years (that I loathe) on social media/blogs etc called “Alpha-Cuckold”. Obviously this simply means an alpha type guy who wants to see his wife get banged by other guys and want to run the show, set the tone, lay out the script to satisfy *his* fantasy……not hers. I’ve received e-mails from other women whom ask me about this, are stressed, some feel that if they don’t go through with it he may leave her. Fine, is my advice…..divorce his Alpha-Fucking-Ass and find someone who won’t treat you like a piece of meat. My opinions on this have made me *very-very-very* unpopular in some quarters as Mr. Alpha-Dick-Head thinks I am ruining his fantasy. I mean hell, why not just hire a hooker to enact out this fantasy and leave the poor lady alone. Its more abusive than pleasurable for her.

You sound like the type of guy that virtually all dominant women would love to come across. Truly. A real catch and one that gives hope to the single FemDoms out there that can’t find anyone that “gets it” and that would treat them right and care for them beyond just being tits and ass wrapped in some leather.

Lastly, my furniture…..I don’t sell actual furniture, just the plans to build my designs via my site, video, or book, e-book via Amazon. It came about as I wanted to sit on a guys face and after looking at the stud I found online which was uncomfortably built, of cheap quality, and priced at $500 and up…..or the opposite where guys cut out a “face hole” on a lawn chair, I decided I could do better. :)

Keep me informed if you please…..:)
                                                                              Vanessa

Vanessa,

That’s an interesting way to look at it. Swinging is quite well established and so is far more ‘acceptable’ in society in comparison to cuckolding. That’s not to say that it’s something anyone could bring up at the dinner table but still it’s something that seems to become a right of passage for many couples as they mature. Cuckolding would be the masochistic yet straight-up sibling of swinging.
There’s not much other than the BDSM element that differentiates the two. But in that respect cuckolding seems much more natural than swinging.

For example, swinging is very much a trade situation, you trade your partner for someone else’s before being reunited afterwards (or not!). Again, my research and observations are talking here when I say that cuckolding is a far more intense and emotional experience for all involved. The spectrum of emotions is wide, unpredictable and thus much more exciting than the limited variety you could get from swinging. But if it’s done for the correct reasons and on the foundations of love and commitment as in your case, then there’s no reason that all those emotions cannot be channelled into a highly stimulating experience for all involved.

Admittedly I would say that I too have obsessed over the huge variety of possibilities of being made a cuckold. There’s not many of the fetish elements you mentioned in the last email that I would say i’m completely closed to.
My obsessive thoughts rather predictably began with disdain over my fetish to watch my gf having sex with another male. The obsessive thoughts slowly but surely evolve into a far more structured definition of being a cuckold.

In my case I began to fantasise about my gf becoming the dominant person to take control of her sexual desires by seeking out other men rather than me trying to coax her into fulfilling MY fantasy. This was the point where I realised I may very well enjoy handing over the control of our relationship.

Fast forward a few months and I find myself at a brick wall within my own sexual space. My thoughts have very slowly paid a little more focus on the humiliation becoming a little more indirect. Lately I do find myself swatting away thoughts of being directed by my gf to engage in submissive bisexual acts with her bull. And whereas previously I may have had a blurred line between the acts that I would or would not engage in whilst in a cuckold scenario, that line has established itself as a no-go area.
In particular, I speak of fluffing the bull. I would consider myself a straight male with limited bisexual curiosities firmly bound within cuckoldry. Never had I considered any sexual activity with another man before exploring cuckoldry. The thought of performing oral sex on a man makes me feel uncomfortable yet the potential for further humiliation and to submit to my partner’s dominant desires never fails to intrigue me.
I feel quite confident in saying that I could never cross that boundary. The submission to her is incredibly arousing yet the act itself does repulse me. It’s very confusing, one desire is stronger than the other but im just not sure which.

I haven’t given her any specifics as to how she may enjoy owning me as her cuckold. She is sexually open minded and I feel my guidance may be more of a deterrent if I get too involved and then there’s the fact that It’s not my situation to try to manipulate. I am far ahead as far as the obsession inspired ‘research’ goes. Her knowledge of cuckolding comes from my fantasies and she’s received it as raw as possible; What it is to me, where she is in my fantasy (upon a very high pedestal!) and the all important ‘Why?’.

And then there’s the ‘tripe’ you mention, i’m glad to see we both agree that such material does more to deflect women from digging a little deeper than it encourages.
There is progress on a weekly basis as of late. In the even of her taking it upon herself to research and find this blog post I won’t go into too much detail. But little difference spring up every few days, in and out of the bedroom. She is much more comfortable and interested in becoming dominant and all I can do to encourage this transition is obey her every command; a stark contrast to 6 months ago! Fortunately she has really begun to see the benefits of being the dominant party as opposed to wanting and needing to feel dominated.

And so on that basis I am more than happy to let the situation flow at its own pace. There is obvious potential, more so than I first suspected and so hopefully in the future my love will be comfortable in indulging in any desires to date and sleep with other men outside of our relationship. Here’s to further hoping that she’ll keep me involved in someway or another :)

I have come across many cases of alpha cuckold males on various sites, most are obviously fictitious and fantasy but I think the issue is predominantly that the male has a very, very difficult time accepting the fact that allowing your wife to sleep with other men is essentially a submissive act. My theory is that they are alpha in a sub-phobic sense if you like, I suspect even their strong denial contributes to the thrill on some level.
They enjoy the cuckoldry but their ‘pride’ (if you can call it that) is damaged so they attempt to ascertain the dominant role, like the director of the scene. Sooner or later the wife will realise she has been granted freedom not only to sleep with other men but freedom from any emotional bond with her husband. Unfortunately she is just an object to satisfy him. I’m not saying that this couldn’t possibly work for any couple but it does seem like this situation is based around a barrier between the husband and the wife w/bull. If the Dom-sub roles are implemented then obviously there’s a much better understanding and the situation is something else but if the guy just turns round one day and tells his wife to get rooted by some 12 inch stud for the husbands visual banquet then yeah, that’s not love.

Thank you for your kind words :) I still feel obliged to press the fact that I am trying to stay as self aware as possible about how my cuckold fantasy affects our relationship. I guess i’m still getting used to the concept that cuckolding can bring a couple closer rather than drive them apart after some brief experimenting. My intention was never to seek a dominant partner, quite the opposite if anything. At the age of 24 I already feel bored of the dominant role and with submission comes a lot more variety so the transition looks to be permanent…

                                                                         D-2-c

D-2-c,

Perhaps your dominant traits are evolving from the brutish, societal, instinctual variety to something more suited to the modern day world. I mean dominant males had their place when it came to fighting lions, bears, going to war and needing to make a log cabin…….not much need for that anymore, lol.

I’ve written many times that the term or title I would use (within some version of the pansexual label as such) for males that may engage in certain acts traditionally considered “homo or bi sexual” as simply an “oral submissive”. What I mean is…..well I guess the distinction to me would be……a gay male is going to go after gay males exclusively. A bisexual male will, of his own volition, seek out the odd male for a tryst or a relationship while still being open to same with a female at some point in his life.

The “oral submissive” is one that has never, and would never, ever…….seek out another male for the purposes of providing oral service with the exception of if being prompted or ordered to do so by a dominant female. For example, said male is aroused, perhaps being trained by a FemDom, blueballs, he has an enormous desire to please her. He wants to please her in all ways that she requires, both in the bedroom and beyond. In this regard though she….for whatever reason…..her own arousal, power tripping, mind fucking, amusement, sexual humiliation or whatever wants him to be a fluffer, clean-up boy or a full blown (pun intended) cock sucker. So he does it. Only out of a desire to please her. He may revel in the humiliation and dominance of this act, or these acts, while being reviled and disgusted by them at the same time.

This is what my cuckold husbands situation is. He follows through with some (to him) disgusting acts that make him gag and choke and bitch and complain…..and he does them anyway. To make me happy and plus……I’ve “trained” him to have some sort of odd connection between my well fucked pussy, the condoms I bring home, and his own sexual place in my life. A total love/hate dynamic that fascinates me to no end.

And its all about me, lol. :)  Vanessa

My Website: http://www.fetishfurniturefactory.com
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Links for my paperback books via CreateSpace (owned by Amazon).
Dominant Women: Where and How to Meet the FemDom of your Dreams https://www.createspace.com/4129264
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Squirter’s Paradise: Female Ejaculation! Wet musings on owning your body’s sensual gushing gifts! 
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Cuckold Letters: Evolution of a Cuckoldress 
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Cuckold Journal: Wet Options: Cuckold Letters II The Married Years https://www.createspace.com/3970589

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